Monday, 30 January 2012

"Mysteries of Data Pool 3 give Rupert Murdoch a whole new headache" The Guardian

News International must feel quite defeated,
Just when they felt all the sh*t had been secreted.
They may be in for a shock
For found in the vaults of Murdoch
There are millions of emails thought deleted.

Friday, 27 January 2012

"Djokovic beats Murray in thriller" BBC

Poor Andy Murray, that game was quite tough.
And he showed that he's made of strong stuff
For in this long game of tennis
Djokovic was still menaced
But ultimately Andy's just not good enough.

"Mick Jagger pulls out of Davos tea party" The Guardian

So Mick Jagger pulled out of Davos,
Being Cameron's pawn made him quite cross
He wasnt the only one who left
For Brazil's premier Rousseff
Thinks neo-liberalism doesnt give a toss.

(I know this was Tuesday's story, but I only caught up with it today)

Wednesday, 25 January 2012

"Alex Salmond's timetable for Britain break-up by 2016" The Telegraph

In his quest to make Scotland independent
Alex Salmond announced his referendum,
He said "keep it simple and clear"
His foes say "then that's really quite queer
Why you seek an additional question"

"King sounds warning as UK debt hits £1tn" The Guardian

One trillion pounds now is our debt
So its hard not to get quite upset
That CEOs salaries went
Up by 36 percent
and a thousand bankers got one million net

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

"Iran oil sanctions: To avoid war, Iran must stop playing games" Daily Mail

A fifth of global oil supplies pass
Right through the strait of Hormaz
But Iran's deputy Kossari,
Is on diplomatic safari,
And threatens to close it, the silly old arse.

"EU moves for tougher Iran sanctions" Al Jazeera

We aim to set an embargo on Iran. Is that wise
To gamble with a fifth of oil supplies?
For fuel prices might soar,
And then we're done for
If economic recovery's jeopordised.

Monday, 23 January 2012

"My marriage is over...I'm so ashamed" The Mirror

There's a woman called Andrea McLean
Who's getting divorced, apparently again
It's on The Mirror's front page
Which in this Leveson age,
Confirms over real news they'll print the mundane

"Ed Miliband urges David Cameron to block bonus for RBS chief Stephen Hester" The Telegraph

Milliband thinks it's a sin
That Hester should be quids in.
But it's up to Vince Cable
On Tuesday, if he's able
To silence the protesters' din

Sunday, 22 January 2012

"Ikea shelves Indian retail market move" The FT

First Stockholm, now Moscow & Peking,
Ikea's constantly expanding.
But it won't accelerate
In a protectionist state
So India, at this time, it's avoiding.

"Ordinary families will be worse off till 2020, report claims" The Guardian

Realising middle class fears
And deriding Conservative cheers
The Resolution Foundation
Think a fifth of the nation
Will suffer for the next eight years

Friday, 20 January 2012

"NI settles 37 lawsuits for phone hacking" i

Happily married to Sadie was Jude
Though their bliss became a long-running feud
She couldn't trust him because
Journalists always knew where she was
But now it's News International that's figuratively screwed.

Thursday, 19 January 2012

"Argentina outraged at Cameron's 'colonialism' remarks" BBC

It's the Falkands, not Malvinas, our law says.
And it's thirty years since we pulled out the forces.
From both sides insults are hissed
That each country's a colonialist
Whilst pretending disinterest in natural resources.

"Skiing world rocked by plastic underwear row" The Independent

Tina Maze is no city slicker.
At skiing downhill there’s few quicker.
But through her plastic undies,
She’s in trouble with judges
Who think she may have worn a banned knicker.

"Morality row over Goldman pay deal" The Guardian

Moral capitalism’s the new philosophy to follow
But Goldman’s bankers and financial scholars
Said “We don’t care one bit,
We just don’t give a shit,
We’ll do anything for 300,000 dollars."

Wednesday, 18 January 2012

"Wikipedia goes dark, Google logo blacked out" Financial Times

Who says that silence is bliss?
Amongst others, Wikipedia and Craigslist.
As they try to make SOPA
Become a no-hoper,
But if theyre not up, are they missed?

"Cameron paves the way for new London airport"; The Telegraph

"Mayor Boris", says his foes, "is just lazy."
In fact his track record has been quite hazy.
So discussions of airports on silt
That will never be built
(Held just before polling), aren't so crazy.